by Chauncey Bigbottoms III
January 20, 2018
Surprise! Matt Lauer and Harvey Weinstein, with all of their newfound free time, have announced the opening of “Lock and Key,” a new locked room haunted house game with a twist.
The dynamic duo’s creepy house will be an abandoned 4-bedroom 3-bath located somewhere in the middle of nowhere with good soundproofing and where the nearest neighbor is miles away.
The house will accept three guests at a time, after which time all the doors will automatically lock from a secret button hidden somewhere deep within the bowels of the mysterious house. The contestants have exactly one hour to find the button or other means of escape.
Here’s the catch: Harvey and Matt will be hiding in the house as well and promise to get “hands on” in order to create a much more terrifying experience for their customers. The two rat-faced men also advertise that there will always be “alternative ways” to escape the house for the more adventurous customers.
Lock and Key is open all year round. Fridays and Saturdays are Ladies’ Night, where entry is free for women of all ages. Actresses always get in free.
Customers who successfully escape the haunted house will get a free coupon to Bill Cosby’s new cappuccino bar “The Sleepy Kitten.”