by Nick Beard

January 8, 2018


Avengers: Infinity War is still four months away but details have already started to emerge around the next Avengers film, courtesy of the lead key grip of all the previous comic book films, who wished to remain anonymous.

“It’s going to be amazing, man,” our source said, while surreptitiously attempting to contain an erection.

I pretended not to notice and asked,” What makes the next one so special?”

“It’s got everyone this time! On top of all the people they added in Infinity War, we’re in talks about adding Jessica Jones, The Punisher, Rick and Morty, Kylo Ren, and Jack Black!”

“Jack Black? He hasn’t worked in years has he?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“I know, right! He’s in talks. Just saying. Nothing’s set in stone yet but those are the characters we’re looking to add this time,” the key grip says. “You know, on top of the 62 new super heroes and villains we added in Infinity War.”

“Sounds like pure magic on the horizon,” I said. “When can fans expect such an exciting film?”

“It’s probably on track for a 2022 summer release. Hold onto your seats, people.”

I asked our gracious source if he could divulge any other secrets about the upcoming mega blockbuster before we concluded our business and headed to the Waffle House.

He smiled wickedly before answering, “Kevin Smith is slated to write and direct. And the working title is Avengers: Origins Resurrection Ultimate Uprising!”

Avengers: Infinity War opens May 4, 2018. No one of consequence will die, and lots of buildings will explode and crumble.




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