by Chauncey Bigbottoms III

January 7, 2018

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Kim Kardashian does it again, folks! Is there no end to her talent? After a stressful week of reminiscing about her staged robbery and her sister’s baby bump, Kim decided to do what she does best and get back in the public eye the only way she knows how: being naked. Kim was nice enough to meet with me in order to discuss her groundbreaking new picture.

“I just figured, like, I needed to decompress and show the world that I’m, you know, still here,” Kardashian said with a playful smile on her face, as if she’s guarding the world’s biggest secret.

The picture is definitely not safe for work and features the inimitable Kardashian queen in nothing but a thong, sprawled out on an unmade bed. The steamy picture took her a grand total of one snap before getting it right, she assured me.

“Like, I work really hard at what I do,” Kim says about preparing for her famous selfies. “I don’t wake up this beautiful. I had to do things to my hair and face but, you know, the idea just sort of hit me the night before I took the picture.”

I asked her where the picture ranked in her collection.

“I wanted to break the internet again and I think I did that with this one. I feel really good about where this puts me professionally,” Kim continued. “I am just so thankful that I was able to do something completely new and fresh with my talent. It really is a gift.”

To close the meeting I asked her if she had any advice for aspiring non-celebrity celebrities.

“Follow your dreams and don’t be afraid to make a sex tape with a middling rapper,” she offered.

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